When Crap and Theatre Collide

I just got over the flu, making this weekend a crappy one (no pun intended). I got up Friday morning feeling sorta iffy about whether or not I should get up, get ready, make the drive into work, etc... I wasn't feeling the best (and quite frankly, hadn't been feeling too great all week). Pure exhaustion had set in and I just didn't have the energy I usually do.

Turns out, I should have just stayed home.

I got to work about 9:00 and at 11:30 I was headed home. When I finally got there, I landed in bed and that's where I stayed until about noon the next day. I lost count over how many trips I made to the bathroom. Water didn't even sound good. It was just horrible. And I was disappointed because here it was, FRIDAY of all days (the day I live for) and we had plans to go to see Angels and Demons with friends. I had already purchased my tkts online and was determined to go. But finally, at 6:00 when I was still putting all my efforts into having control over my bowels, I decided sitting in a movie theatre wasn't the best idea and I forfeited my tkts to some friends.

Saturday was a little bit better. I felt a little stronger but still had zero appetite. I focused on staying hydrated. I got out of bed to take a shower and after that, was completely exhausted and landed back in bed for about another 45 mins to recuperate from my shower. Doesn't it suck when you don't even have the energy to dry your hair? It's like an invigorating shower should make you feel better, and instead, it wipes you of all the energy you saved up while laying in bed for 24 hours.

I was bound and determined to feel better though as Michael and I had tickets to go see Miss Saigon (my all time favorite Broadway musical) at Pioneer Theatre. So I took it fairly easy all day, drank tons of fluids so I was hydrated, and ate next to nothing so I wouldn't have to race to the bathroom after a 2 second warning from my rumbling, upset stomach (thanks stomach, for giving me hardly enough time to not completely embarrass myself with details I'm not even about to go into).

We made it. To the play that is. Yup, as sick as I was, I was able to put on a nice skirt and top, heels and handbag, and off to the theatre we went. I was so looking forward to sharing this experience with Michael as I truly LOVE this show, and he was seeing it for the first time. However, complete and utter disappointment awaited us.

IT SUCKED! I kid you not, WORST RENDITION of Miss Saigon that I have EVER SEEN. Now granted, I didn't go into this show expecting a replication of what I saw on Broadway. I mean, it's called Broadway for a reason and although shows that leave Broadway on tour are darn near as amazing, there are still some bells and whistles that just can't be pulled off by other theatres based on their structural limitations. Pioneer was NO EXCEPTION.

I was pissed. The whole reason I even blew my money on season tickets this year was because of guaranteed seats to THIS SHOW in particular. I don't even know where to begin. There's literally too much to bitch about to know where to start. My good friend and theatre buddy Patrick came with us, and he too was shocked at the complete disaster that was presented in the name of theatre. To list a few disasters:

1. Kim (main character) could sing (she had an amazing voice), but there was ZERO acting skills. No expression on her face through the entire show. As Michael so accurately put it- "It's like everyone was on Botox, the facial expressions were absent."


2. The huge freaking screen that was overused to project lame images throughout the ENTIRE SHOW. Really? Did the director feel the need to spoon feed the audience because she made the assumption that we wouldn't understand the show on our own? Here's a director's note for you, director. LAME!


3. Um- if you know anything about this show, you know that the opening scene is a raunchy, sexed up version of Vietnamese whores selling their bodies for money, American Visas, or any chance in hell of getting into the states. That's how it really was in Nam, thus that's how the show was written, and that's how the show should be performed. Don't clean it up for Utah. We can handle it. We're all big boys and girls who have respect for the arts (otherwise I don't think we'd be at the theatre). Don't change the lyrics, tone down the blocking, and clean up the costumes. It is what it is- and as an audience, we deserve to see this show as the writers intended. There is a good reason for it.


4. Ellen- your acting sucked. Albeit you actually did act so props to you on that, it just wasn't very good. Ellen is not a condescending character, however, you made her as bitchy as you possibly could. Why? Please tell me you actually read the script in its entirety and not just the scenes where you appeared.

Overall, I'm depressed. What does a girl in Utah have to do to enjoy good theatre? I know it's out there, I've seen it. I've just had to leave the state to do so. And to think, I sucked it up, flu and all to go sweat in a jam packed theatre with no AC for this craptacular production. LAME. Even Michael (who is by far not as critical as I am) walked out of there astounded at the lack of quality.

So yeah, in a nutshell: my weekend was full of crap.