Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Little Red Hen

Sometimes I feel like the Little Red Hen.

You know the story right? The one that goes:

The Little Red Hen

The little Red Hen was in the farmyard with her chickens, when she found a grain of wheat.
"Who will plant this wheat?" she said.
"Not I," said the Goose.
"Not I," said the Duck.
"I will, then," said the little Red Hen, and she planted the grain of wheat.
When the wheat was ripe she said, "Who will take this wheat to the mill?"
"Not I," said the Goose.
"Not I," said the Duck.
"I will, then," said the little Red Hen, and she took the wheat to the mill.
When she brought the flour home she said, "Who will make some bread with this flour?"
"Not I," said the Goose.
"Not I," said the Duck.
"I will, then," said the little Red Hen.
When the bread was baked, she said, "Who will eat this bread?"
"I will," said the Goose
"I will," said the Duck
"No, you won't," said the little Red Hen. "I shall eat it myself. Cluck! cluck!" And she called her chickens to help her.

Let me just sum this up by saying that I am starting to feel like if I don't do things, things don't get done. And I say that because I have literally spent every day of my holiday "vacation" working in one form or another (with the exception of Christmas day).

I've done all the holiday decorating. If I didn't put up the tree, nobody would have.
I did all the shopping and wrapping, all the holiday baking and decorating, and all the holiday clean up as well (if I didn't put our tree away it'd still be up come July).
I've prepared homemade meals such as soups and spaghetti and then watched the dishes pile up in the sink for weeks because if I don't do them, nobody does... but oh how those meals were gobbled up.
I've purged the cold storage and made piles for donation (that will probably sit where I put them for weeks) and cleaned and organized to the point that I had to purchase icy-hot for my lower back because I can hardly move.
And although I'd love to spend a day just relaxing and enjoying my time off, the floors still need swept and mopped, the bathrooms still need scrubbed, laundry needs folded AND PUT AWAY INSTEAD OF PILED ON THE DRESSER, and other odds and ends require attention. MY attention because nobody else seems to care.

Last week was my husband's Christmas vacation. He and his son spent the week camped out in the basement watching movies, playing video games and munching on goodies.

This week is my holiday vacation and I've spent it working on my personal business endeavors, in addition to cleaning up all the holiday mess, and scrubbing the house. Some vacation eh? I need to go back to work just to get rested.

And yes I do work a full time job in addition to keep up the house. Also in addition to starting and growing my own business. So yeah, I'm exhausted to say the least. And I'm losing my patience, and growing ever so frustrated because the more tired I become, the more grouchy I feel like being (it's not rocket science that one thing leads to another).

So yeah, from now on, feel free to call me the Little Red Hen.
Too bad a wife wasn't under the Christmas tree with a name tag that said To: Michelle From: Santa. I sure could have used one. Maybe I'll ask for a maid for my birthday in June. That is, if I'm not dead from exhaustion before then.

Happy freakin' new year everyone.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Then and Now

It's a glorious thing when you find yourself in the right place, at the right time, and you're content with all that's around you. Especially if/when you've experienced an absence from this for so long.

2009 was quite a challenging year. There were wonderful things, challenging things, and bad things and overall, it was quite a struggle.

The wonderful things were the fact that my hubby came home to Utah for good after serving with the military for 20 years. No more long distance marriage and that was a beautiful thing. We also purchased and fixed up our very first home. Also a wonderful and exciting thing.

But it seems like even though these things were wonderful, they didn't seem to win over the negativity in my life in 2009.

I was working for a company I despised, in a job that I hated, for a boss who didn't pay any attention to his team, and passed me off to another guy who thinks women have no place in the work force. This environment was such a horrible one to spend 40 hours a week in that my enthusiasm for life quickly dwindled into something numb and barely even noticeable.

In November of last year, I lost a good friend to suicide and the situation still haunts me, especially with the changing of the seasons this year and the reminder of the sadness I was filling this time last year. Losing Billy was unexpected and it generated a pain that won't soon be forgotten.

My brother went through a nasty divorce during the holidays last year. This seemed to put a damper on the Christmas spirit and all things holiday related.

And even some of 2009's negativity spilled over into 2010 as I lost my job the last week of January. (I use the term "lost my job" loosely as my desire to get rid of that God-Forsaken place was as mutual as their desire to get rid of me and my threatening ability to take the marketing department above and beyond what it had the potential of being with the current people running (or lack of running I should say) the show. But they paid me some nice hush money considering the unconventional way they went about the situation).

But all that being said, even though 2010 started off rough, it has turned into something wonderful. I bid farewell to the negativity that was surrounding me on a daily basis (starting with the job). In fact, getting out of that place was the best thing I ever did. Blessing in disguise if you will. Walking out of that building, I took the first steps towards getting on the path I'm on today. And what a difference it has made!

In February I started thinking of turning my dream into a reality. I started talking, thinking, planning, and praying about starting my own company Utah Events by Design. I started believing again in my talents and abilities to start this new adventure instead of second guessing them. I picked a theme song to inspire me, to pump me up when I hit bumps in the road, to help me remember that what I was doing was going to be worth it. I selected Distant Dreamer by Duffy and listened to it once a day if not more on my computer or ipad or in the car, or wherever I could. It was MY SONG and my source for energy.

I started developing my business and all the things that went along with it to help make it a success. I started writing a business plan and developing a web site, and a facebook fan page, and blogging about the adventure, and signing up for networking groups and events, and making progress in a direction I'd always wanted to go in (go but never did because the timing wasn't right).

I started doing things for ME. I started dreaming for ME. I started planning and executing these plans for ME. And guess what? It is paying off!!!

In the last 3 months I couldn't be more thrilled with where I am in life right now. I'm running a successful business, working with clients that I enjoy working with, doing what I love doing, and being successful at it. I couldn't ask for more.

And, to bring in some extra income while I get my business off the ground, I'm consulting for a company that I adore. I work with a wonderful team of supportive, positive, and talented people who I enjoy being surrounded by on a daily basis. This opportunity has presented such a healthy environment that builds me up, helps me improve my existing strengths and teaches me as I go. I can't say enough about how wonderful it is to find yourself in a place you belong, in the time you are meant to be there.

I was even lucky enough to receive what I call "a sign" when I was doing my very first event. I was at the venue, had just pulled out all the decor I was going to set up, and decided I needed some music. I turned my iPhone on and went to the iPod and hit shuffle. Mind you, there's about 14,000 songs that could have started playing from my library, but guess which song came on first?

That's right, Distant Dreamer.
(I have a witness who can verify this).

The very moment the first few notes of that song started playing, I smiled and shed a few tears in the same breath.

And I realized, It's okay to be proud of yourself. It's okay to be confident and unsure about the future all at the same time. But most importantly, it's okay to be happy even if you're not quite standing at the top of the hill looking down just yet. It's okay to be in the right place at the right time, experiencing the exact moment you've been dreaming of, and to be satisfied and content in that moment, and perhaps a little unsure about what's to come next but confident that it will be just as good. It's okay to feel all this and know it's right all at the same time. It's okay to be happy.

And I am :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

And for This One Too

Between the Lines: Sara Bareillis

Time to tell me the truth

To burden your mouth for what you say

No pieces of paper in the way

'Cause I can't continue pretending to choose

These opposite sides on which we fall

The loving you laters if at all

No right minds could wrong, be this many times

My memory is cruel

I'm queen of attention to details

Defending intentions if he fails

Until now, he told me her name

It sounded familiar in a way

That I could have sworn I'd heard him say it

Ten thousand times, oh, if only I had been listening

Leave unsaid, unspoken

Eyes wide shut, unopened

You and me always between the lines

Between the lines

I thought I, thought I was ready to bleed

That we'd move from the shadows on the wall

Stand in the center of it all

Too late, two choices, to stay or to leave

Mine was so easy to uncover

He'd already left with the other

So I learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid, unspoken

Eyes wide shut, unopened

You and me always be

You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say

I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on

Wait for me, I'm almost ready when he meant let go

Leave unsaid, unspoken

Eyes wide shut, unopened

You and me always be

You and me always between the lines

Between the lines, between the lines