Horrible

Have you ever had one of those dreams that is so disturbing you remember every detail when you awake and then you think about and analyze it throughout the entire day?

I had one of those dreams last night. And I still remember it (although I'm pretty good at remembering my dreams). And I'm sure I will continue to think about it all day and try to understand what it means.

It was horrible, brutal, and very, VERY vivid. So vivid, I can actually smell the room my dream took place in, and my muscles are still somewhat tense with anxiety. I think at one point I grabbed Michael's arm in the middle of the night, clutching him with fear. I wonder why I didn't wake myself up and start over, with a new, more pleasant dream.

I'll spare you the awful details but I will tell you, it involved a murder. A very gruesome, horrible murder of a woman we didn't know, and it took place in a house I was living in with my old roommate Jen. The house resembled my grandmothers, however in the dream, my grandmother actually lived behind the house Jen and I were living in. Strange, I know.

Anyway, I had to call a company that specialized in cleaning up "those kind of messes" (you know, the kind that you don't even want to go near because it's so disgusting and you wouldn't know where to start?). The house smelled and looked like a butcher shop, and the two modest bathrooms were the rooms that were in desperate need of cleaning. You get the idea.

My roommate Jen and I decided we couldn't stay there that night for obvious reasons. We needed to get out while the rooms were professionally cleaned, and the strangest part (and yet not so strange in the dream) is that we hopped on our bikes (yeah, don't ask me why we didn't have cars) and rode uphill to the hotel my family actually stayed in when Michael and I got married. We didn't have much as we quickly packed our things...and toiletries weren't packed because, well, they were located in the bathrooms where the crime took place. We figured the hotel could provide them so we only packed a clean change of clothes and something to sleep in.

Michael met up with us at the hotel and now there were four of us: myself, Michael, Jen, and our friend Kim. Kim and Jen had a room and Michael and I had a room. Mind you, it was about 4:00 in the morning so everything was very quiet when we checked in. And all we could think about was taking a shower to wash away the stink of fear and grime from being in the house.

The strangest part (as if this dream isn't strange enough), the light in the bathroom was so dim, I could hardly see anything. The lights were on, no bulbs were out, but it was still so dark I couldn't find my way around. And I kept thinking how strange it was that the lights were on, but it wasn't doing any good.

It was then that I woke up, and it was time to get ready for work.

I'm still haunted by this dream. I'm trying to figure it all out. Why did I have it? What events took place during the course of yesterday that my conscious had to filter through in dream form? Why on earth would I dream something so horrible? It's not like I immerse myself in horror films or even crime investigation shows. I can't figure it out.

All I know is that I'd better have SWEET dreams tonight. Perhaps that's why I'm so tired today... how does one relax and rejuvenate when they are in terror? That's NOT what I call a good night's rest.