Monday, April 6, 2009

Open Letters: Random Edition

Dear Sunshine-

Thanks for coming around today (and yesterday). I can't tell you how much I've missed your face. What's up with winter and snow ruling the universe as of late? Can't you just kick some major winter ass and then let your rays shine down in a glorious celebration of winning? I am in serious need of your Vitamin D, and the ability to sit outside in the evening watching your beautiful self settle into the horizon. Stick around a little longer won't you? You're always welcome here, despite what those god damn skiers say.

A Fair Skinned Fan
Dear Field Project:

I'm really sick of thinking about you and feeling guilty for not having worked on you. Why can't you just finish yourself? Isn't it enough that I've just dumped oodles of money and 4 years of my time to graduate school? Isn't it enough that I have aced all 38 credit hours, working my ass off to complete papers, projects, presentations, and tests? Why must you show your ugly face as a requirement for my master's degree at the end of the program when I'm utterly exhausted and fed up? I'm tired, I'm sick of school, and I just want to be done.

I’m sorry. I know it's not your fault that you are incomplete. But really, why can't you be more exciting to work on? Or better yet, just finish yourself and let me get on with life. Please quit being a pain in my ass, that lingering sense of guilt in the back of my mind, that "requirement" in order to finish the program.

Yours in academic tension,
The Student
Dear New Job,

Thanks for the opportunity. Thanks for getting me out of the old place and providing me with a safe haven that doesn't cause me to lay awake at night completely stressed out of my mind and dreading having to come in the next day.

I really appreciate that the environment you provide is more stable, and free of dragon ladies who breathe fire down your neck every 5 minutes because it's easier to treat people like shit and attempt to control them than it is to appreciate what they bring to the table. I value that you employee people who actually listen and HEAR what you're saying as opposed to just looking at you while you talk and then cut you off mid sentence to impose their theories.

It's nice to feel appreciated. It's nice to sleep at night. And it's a comfort knowing that I'm not a Mormon, and that's okay here.

Grateful, and less stressed in Salt Lake City
Dear House,

2 rooms finished, and one half way complete.
A basement full of crown molding, trim, bead board, paint, tile, and other piles of random home-improvement stuff.

A husband and wife team who plan to tackle you room by room until you're exactly what we want you to be, no exceptions, no limits.
It will happen, no matter how many weekends we have to devote to long hours and hard work.
Consider yourself warned.

Your New Owner
Dear Life,

Sometimes I'm really angry with how you make me feel. How everything about you controls me to the point of pure exhaustion. I'm really pissed off that I have to work for a living until I'm old enough to forget my name and wear diapers. I'm tired of devoting 5 days a week to working for the man only to race home each night in the hopes of enjoying what little time is left in the day before going to bed only to wake up and do it all over again. And I'm sick of only have two days to unwind and have a life before I have to go back to work. How is that a healthy work/life balance?

I'm really sick of bills, hypocrites, skinny models, winter, and not having a window at work. I'm tired of getting up to an alarm every morning because I have to go make money.

Can't you get someone else to do the dishes, write that marketing plan, lose 40 lbs? Won't you leave me alone for a little while so I can just rest and do what I want to do when I want to do it, and how I want to do it? I'm so tired of not having you figured out yet. Oh, and I want to be independently wealthy. Can't you just cut me some slack?
Think about it, Life.
Just think about it.

Fed up,
The Rebel

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